Fighting the Urge to Withdraw as I Age
No Substitute for Murder by Carolyn J. Rose |
Carolyn with Bubba and Max |
By Carolyn J. Rose
Almost every day my husband and I walk our dogs—the intrepid Bubba and the not-so-daring Max—in a loop around our neighborhood. Along the way we pass the home of a man in his late 80s. His wife died several years ago and he lives alone in a house filled with things much as she left them. He no longer drives, but he has family just down the road, close neighbors who look in on him, and lunch deliveries every weekday.
But he’s lonely.
On warm days he plants a chair in his driveway and waves over anyone who passes for a brief conversation—always about the past. Some days we stop. On others, we acknowledge his wave and call out an excuse—have to get to the store, the library, home to do the wash.
Once I brought him a brochure for the local senior center and asked if he’d like me to drive him on the days I go to the nearby rec center to swim.
“I wouldn’t know anyone there,” he said.
“You might. You won’t know until you go,” I answered. “But even if you don’t, people are friendly. You’ll be talking with someone in no time.”
“Maybe sometime.” He shook his head as he spoke, body language that told me “sometime” meant “never.”
Walking home, I thought about my future. Would I withdraw into a fortress of loneliness? Already I’ve found myself opting to stay home and skip events that are distant, unfamiliar, held after dark on rainy evenings, too crowded, too much trouble. And I’ve seen older family members pull like turtles into the shells they’ve created. When we talk, I hear undertones of sadness, loss, and regret.
And I hear pain as well. That’s a huge factor. When you hurt, it’s harder to get up in the morning and easier to crawl into that comfy chair earlier each evening.
But if I give in to pain and trepidation, my world will shrink, my days will become replicas of each other, and new experiences won’t happen unless someone comes to my door.
That worries me because writing feeds on experience. Of course, I can mine the past, but my aging brain provides fewer rich veins of recollection every year. Eventually I’ll be extracting only fragments of memory.
So I have to get moving and get out. And I have to keep doing that—and a lot of other things—as long as I can.
Being a Virgo, I wrote that admonition on an index card and posted it above my desk. And, in true Virgo form, I added a list of how I would accomplish my goal:
- Make new friends. Try for 3 a year. Settle for 1.
- Make new acquaintances. Talk to others at the gym or grocery store.
- Try new things. (Rule out anything too risky like skydiving, skateboarding, or eating raw fish.)
- Connect with old friends.
- Plan a trip to a place I’ve never been.
- Go back to a favorite familiar spot.
- Commit random acts of generosity and joy.
- Do something alone—eat a meal or go to a movie.
- Learn something new and review something old—reading history can take care of both at once.
- Read something I ordinarily wouldn’t pick up.
- Stay in touch with pop culture—even if only in a limited way. Watch one of the hot TV shows geared for a younger demographic, listen to a radio station that sets my teeth on edge, have a conversation with a teen or young adult
- Write outside my comfort zone and try to expand that zone as I do. (For me, this usually means writing about human relationships and love on a deeper level. As a mystery writer, I’m more comfortable killing characters off than having them kiss.)
Bio: Carolyn J. Rose is the author of a number of novels, including recent indie titles A Place of Forgetting, An Uncertain Refuge, and No Substitute for Murder. A mainstream mystery, Hemlock Lake, was released by Five Star in 2010, and two Oregon-coast mysteries (The Big Grabowski and Sometimes a Great Commotion) penned with her husband, Mike Nettleton, came out through Krill Press in 2009 and 2010. In addition, she has six novels available through SynergEbooks. She grew up in New York’s Catskill Mountains, graduated from the University of Arizona, logged two years in Arkansas with Volunteers in Service to America, and spent 25 years as a television news researcher, writer, producer, and assignment editor in Arkansas, New Mexico, Oregon, and Washington. She lives in Vancouver, Washington, and founded the Vancouver Writers’ Mixers. Her interests are reading, gardening, and not cooking.
Web page: http://www.deadlyduomysteries.com/
Link to latest book :
No Substitute for Murder
Blurb about No Substitute for Murder:
Divorced from a philandering con man and downsized from her job as a talk radio show producer, Barbara Reed is desperate for money. She's got a mortgage, a college loan, an aging car, and a ten-pound dog named Cheese Puff.
With her unemployment checks running out, she signs on as a high school substitute teacher and learns what stress is all about. When she finds history teacher Henry Stoddard strangled with his own outdated tie, her stress level soars into the red zone. Then she's assigned to cover his classes.
Stoddard was a bully and a blackmailer. The list of suspects is a long one, and police put Barb at the top. When she discovers a second body, the noose of circumstantial evidence tightens.
With help from the showgirl widow of a reputed mobster, a trash-scavenging derelict, and members of the Cheese Puff Care and Comfort Committee, Barb struggles to keep a grip on her job, her sanity, and her freedom.
Notice: This mystery contains no vampires, werewolves, zombies, or space aliens. It was not tested on laboratory animals. It makes no claims to political correctness. Characters may not be fully clothed at all times.
(Carolyn will be giving away a copy of her book to someone who makes a comment.)
Web page: http://www.deadlyduomysteries.com/
Link to latest book :
No Substitute for Murder
Blurb about No Substitute for Murder:
Divorced from a philandering con man and downsized from her job as a talk radio show producer, Barbara Reed is desperate for money. She's got a mortgage, a college loan, an aging car, and a ten-pound dog named Cheese Puff.
With her unemployment checks running out, she signs on as a high school substitute teacher and learns what stress is all about. When she finds history teacher Henry Stoddard strangled with his own outdated tie, her stress level soars into the red zone. Then she's assigned to cover his classes.
Stoddard was a bully and a blackmailer. The list of suspects is a long one, and police put Barb at the top. When she discovers a second body, the noose of circumstantial evidence tightens.
With help from the showgirl widow of a reputed mobster, a trash-scavenging derelict, and members of the Cheese Puff Care and Comfort Committee, Barb struggles to keep a grip on her job, her sanity, and her freedom.
Notice: This mystery contains no vampires, werewolves, zombies, or space aliens. It was not tested on laboratory animals. It makes no claims to political correctness. Characters may not be fully clothed at all times.
(Carolyn will be giving away a copy of her book to someone who makes a comment.)
Comments
I also love to go to movies and watch movies on DVD. If hubby won't see one that I want to see, I ask someone to go with me, usually someone younger.
Having younger friends also helps.
What a great blog post. I've let my world get very small too. I would love to drum up the nerve to go to a movie alone, but so far have chickened out each time.
You are right though...there is much we could do to make out lives more exciting, before we too, find ourselves pulling out a lawn chair and waving at passersby. Great post! Adorable dogs too!
1) Join Yahoo Meetup groups. Don't know if you have these in your area but if you do, these are great for meeting people.
2) Write on a laptop in a coffee shop or someplace that has Wifi.
3) You and your husband walk the dogs every day? How about putting them in the car and driving a short distance and walking them in a different area just for a change of scenery?
4) Cash mobs. Just read about these. Maybe you could organize one. The idea is to get a group of people together with the idea of promoting local businesses. You all pick a day and a shop and pledge to go there and spend $20. If you get a bunch to go at once it could be fun.
5) Learn a new activity. Take fencing lessons. Take scuba lessons. Take golf lessons.
6) Enroll in a college class that interests you. Take a class on medieval history or one on Victorian literature or one on astronomy, etc.
For the record, we've tried taking the dogs to other venues but we run into people and dogs they've never met before. People are fine because they love to get "fresh" attention. Dogs, not so much. Small dogs are into the preemptive first strike mentality and bark up a storm no matter how hard we work with them. That takes the pleasure out of the walk.
And don't enter me in the drawing. I already have my copy of No Substitute for Murder and I give it FIVE stars!!
Carolyn's co-dog wrangler
I am an avid reader so reading feels my needs for now.
I would love to read your book as I love romance, mystery and suspense all in one story.
Thanks for the opportunity to enter giveaway.
misskallie2000 at yahoo dot com
Me, me, pick me! I'm drawn to Carolyn's books like a damn moth to flame. I haven't read Hemlock lake, hint, hint.Kindle version e-book, please.
We chose to sell our home and most all of our possessions and move into a motorhome and travel the country. As a result we have stayed in the deserts, national parks and forests both on and off the grid. We have made many new friends and experienced some breathtakingly beautiful places.
Pending some unforseen circumstance we continue our journey.
Jim
And Marilyn, much as I love gardening, I'm starting to be seduced by the idea of someone else taking care of the yard and leaving me more time to write and mingle.
Most of all, I started writing novels and have just published my first, with four more inthe works. That's brought me an intellectual challenge, a job to go to each day, and many new friends. I highly recommend it.
Sally Carpenter
My idea for you: come to dinner for Scrabble more often...and, of course, bring Mike!
Katlin, I'm ready any time - as long as there's not too much cooking involved - LOL - not cooking is now officially one of my hobbies/interests.